No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize