She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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