My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
