Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
