At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
