its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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