Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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