I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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