fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize