At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
