i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
