hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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