i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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