Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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