My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
