i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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