The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
