Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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