dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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