I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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