he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
