the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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