hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
