No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
