Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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