i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize