they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
