so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
