No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
