it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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