He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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