omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
