Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
