Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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