i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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