I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
