Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize