P.S. I can't hear my feet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
