i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
