The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
