Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
