alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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