I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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