i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just invented taco cereal.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
