I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
