We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
