im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
