I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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