I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
