i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Screwed.edu
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
