whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
