And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
