Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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