meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said her name was "party"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
