Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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