I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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